As a single woman who is counting down to 25, I finally relate to HIMYM’s Robin as she says “Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another comes along in five minutes.”
I don’t know if it is me maturing, me working my ass off to build the life I dream of, me getting sick of disrespect, me appreciating else things way better as I used to do; but there has been a remarkable shift in my priorities for the last couple of months. I take no shit, I feel more grounded than ever, I could win prizes for my performance in sustaining my energy and I feel at peace.
I don’t wait around for something to happen to make me happy, I don’t force, I don’t chase - not in the sense of Tom chasing Jerry. While maintaining my peace of mind, there is no room in my mind to think about the coulda woulda been’s - I love it.
I stay true to myself, observe around, check in with myself while in the moment going through things and recognize the little “!!!” moments which make my heart beat, and which don’t.
To change something, first you gotta realize it; but realizing is never enough to change the pattern of the behaviour. Tho it can help preventing yourself from going to wrong directions, or just give you the chance to choose to commit a mistake, if any. Discovering yourself is an endless journey and being a single woman, in the city that never sleeps, serves my journey perfectly. I got countless chances to meet countless people, as I got as cautious as I could ever be. Knowing what I wanted has never been easy as my mind changes as I change my nail polish, but at least now I have some sure thoughts on what I don’t want anymore, which is super relieving - not as practical. While having all the info I got: what I like, what I don’t like, what I don’t want, what I disguise; I sometimes have some gaps in understanding why I feel what I feel. Why I feel nothing to a person who seems perfect on paper, why I tend to run away when I see someone I was once interested in crushing on me, why I get shaky over a boy I’ve only seen twice but even a notification about him gives me a smile. How I’m drawn to his cocky, distant way of texting and not to the other one who seems to understand my tides and ready to serve(?) the world to me.
In each circumstance and to everyone I keep being me, being as true and natural as I could be; I don’t daydream or guess or even think about what they think about me anymore. I don’t force, I don’t bear, I don’t fake or I don’t take. I just try to understand the logic behind my “!!!” moments and hope, some time, somewhere, one of those countless people’s “!!!” moments happens to meet one of my “!!!” moments & the magic happens in my fairyland where everything feels like pink cotton candies. I know everything will turn my way, what’s mine will find me, without me making a hard effort getting it, everything is great as it is and there’s no reason for it to become more fabulous and dreamy and brilliant each and every day.
