a nice day of may: we woke up with the sunlight, i was surprised when i saw you were cuddling with me all night. you got my tshirt on you, you were looking ridiculously handsome without your glasses on. i almost forgot what color your eyes are. i was surprised when i saw your sleep was light. you woke up before me and i woke up because of you.
we chitchatted about art and writers, it was like we never slept. we just kept on going from the point we left. you asked me about men i didn't even hear of: i still don't remember the ones you taught me about. i know so many things about so many famous directors but i don't remember any names.
we went downstairs and smoked. i don't know why but i remember feeling strange and uncomfortable. i didn't know what was gonna happen after that day and that made me nervous when i was sitting on the couch with you pretending everything's normal inside. i wanted you gone immediately or waited for a sharp move coming from you to help me understand even a little bit. but you seemed same as me. maybe your tension affected me.
we went to halic metro station. i wanted to stop for a sec and watch the sea as we walked. so we did. it was may, the weather was warm, i was wearing my pink coat. the sea was wavy, the waves were shining with the reflection of sunlight. the moment i thought it couldn't get any better, you took off your binoculars from your bag and gave it to me, and told me to look at the sea with it. and i did.
it was a holy moment. there were nothing but the voice of birds, the wavy sea, the shiny sun and me: looking at the eternal waves shining like gold. i still remember how they look. and i can still see them any time i want when i close my eyes. i was captivated by the beauty of that moment.
then you took some more pictures of the kids in the sea. we had some kind of brunch somewhere. we walked and kept talking.
then i was going to besiktas, you were going home. we hugged goodbye and separated.
haven't seen you back then. haven't even talked to you properly but that's the way it goes for years now. i don't normally think about you in a daily basis but i know you're special to me. you healed something inside me and i know that day was neither a beginning nor an end. and i don't wonder how it all is to you: i don't mind and i don't wanna ruin the idea of you with knowing my worth to you. but i do wonder if sometimes you think of me too.
oh, sorry i lost the big lighter. but anyways, you didn't even know i had it... lol
